micdotcom:

Watch: Comedian Adam Conover just obliterated every stereotype about millennials in one presentation.

Why is it illegal to destroy eagle eggs? Probably because there aren’t 6 billion eagles flying around the earth

Christianity: where you can have your cake and eat it too

I don’t agree… your mom could be a real cunt for all I know

paulftompkins:

This was the closest I ever got to appearing on Parks and Recreation apart from that one time I auditioned and was told right before we started, “Just so you know, this will probably go to a famous person.”

josephscrimshaw:

“My body is drunk but as always my eyes are disturbingly clear and sober.” -Jared Leto #GoldenGlobes

People get busy. You’ve gotta be both insecure and an egomaniac to believe this.
#SoNeedy

Says the girl hooked up to chemotherapy

… and financially